Classic Sonic Becomes Main Branch Of Sonic Again

For years, Sonic has struggled to move over to 3D. Games have been up and down and all around. Today, however, SEGA has offered a solution.

“We have tried 3D for so many years and it’s just not working”, Takashi Izuka said. “We also couldn’t please anyone associated with 3D games, such as Adventure fans, storybook game fans, and boost fans. So you know what? You win. We give up. Modern Sonic is dead”. Iizuka then proceeded to announce that Sonic Mania is the start of another Sonic reboot, a return of the franchise to its classic roots. Literally. Classic Sonic is to become the main branch of Sonic again, with Christian Whitehead becoming the new Sonic Team head. “I am resigning my position because I’ve had enough. None of you can be satisfied with anything we put out”, Iizuka said. “We’ve tried for years to please you, but you’re never happy. Classic fans, meanwhile, seem to know what they want. So we’re going to give you what they want”.

Whitehead was adamant that this is not necessarily pushing away Modern fans. “It’s not that SEGA doesn’t care about their fans. But when you’ve exhausted pretty much every idea in the book and people still aren’t happy, what else can you do? It doesn’t help that every time they would see that the fans want something, by the time they do it, suddenly fans don’t want it”. Christian Whitehead apologised on behalf of Iizuka’s apparent frustration, but he hopes Modern fans will stick around in case they warm up to Classic Sonic gameplay.

For now, Classic Sonic eyes will become green. Because memes.

This post was originally written by the author for TSSZ News.