U.S. To Investigate Financial Activities Of Scrooge McDuck

News broke today that Duckburg’s resident multi-billionaire Scrooge McDuck has landed in hot water with the authorities after the recent re-release of a video game that featured his likeness.

The title, DuckTales: Remastered has instigated intense media interest and led to a number of interesting and disturbing stories about what goes on behind closed doors with McDuck’s finances, employees and even his family responsibilities.

The situation began when rumours started circulating regarding his relationship with video game publisher Capcom. Relations with Capcom are said to have turned very sour following a series of meetings and legal letters from McDuck’s representatives. It is said McDuck, despite having amassed a personal fortune believed to be around $65.4 billion demanded a higher selling price for the game in order to “not appear cheap” to the consumer.  An unnamed Capcom insider seemingly confirmed this yesterday via a post on NeoQuack

“He plays the game, and I don’t mean DuckTales: Remastered, which by the way is out now in case you’re interested?” Said the insider, “It started well, people really wanted the game and he agreed to participate. At first all was well but then the demands and [[MORE]]the legal letters came in. Additional promotional costs, appearance fees, the licencing of his likeness – especially the likeness. He knew he had us over a barrel when it came to that. We considered just switching out the character graphics and making it DuckMan Legends 3 but the we all realised we were just being silly. But these demands only increased, we had to supply him with whisky at all times – and sea-salt ice cream. Frankly the latter is rather hard to find at short notice down Wal-Mart. It forced us to up the price of the game higher than we would have normally expected. He’s crafted this wonderful public image of benevolence and honesty and hard work. Scratch it though and frankly he’s less of a duck and a more of a dick.”

This portrait of McDuck entitled “The Mallardy Of Finance” hangs in Duckburg Museum of Art.

McDuck’s image does indeed seem to be showing disturbing cracks. Concerns have been raised by locals about the way he has been raising his three great-nephews, Huey, Dewey and Louie Duck. The young trio were left in his care by their uncle Donald Duck, a former sergeant in the US Army and actively serving sailor within the US Navy currently serving out of Guam. However since that time there are many stories about the three young boys becoming increasingly involved in the eccentric McDuck’s grand adventures.

“I really don’t know what to make of it all.” Said one concerned resident, “Not accounting for the seemingly endlessly reported clashes with the criminal element of Duckburg you barely see them at school now.  They’re always being dragged off to foreign countries on dangerous whims. South America, Europe, Russia… the MOON. What type of education are these young boys actually getting on these endless foreign trips? It’s no use having air miles if you can’t count. I’d say I’m surprised the Calisota authorities haven’t done anything about this but I’m not, he essentially runs this town. Everyone’s afraid to say anything publically.”

This morning the tax authorities have announced a full review into McDuck’s finances and those of his subsidiaries on rumours of price fixing in Calisota and antirust in general. McDuck also recently applied for protected status of his famous ‘Money Bin’, declaring that it is a “state monument” and a building of “cultural and national importance.” If successful the status would enable McDuck to claim extensive maintenance payments at the taxpayer’s expense expected to run to over $750,000 annually.

The employment agency also wishes to investigate McDuck amid rumours of bullying and violence in the workplace.

We spoke to another individual about this who used to be in the employ of McDuck’s holding company. The individual known only as ‘L’ paints a disturbing picture of obsession and violence. “I don’t like talking about the boss but Mr. McD really has this thing about ancient treasures. You’d think that someone like him would be more interested in the stock market or something smart like that but every other day he’d have me flyin’ to some remote part of the globe for magic lamps or buried treasure. He even had us lookin’ for the fountain of youth once. I’d try and say somethin’ but whenever I did he usually got angry and then started waving that cane of his around. That thing is pretty hard y’know; he’s not a very good motivational speaker if you get my drift. Make any kind of mistake and boom – he explodes and you get cracked in the skull. It was an unsafe working environment is what it was.”

So an obsessive, potentially violent individual possibly damaging the futures of three young children.

Perhaps the most damning claim comes from someone not content to sit in the shadows. South African-born entrepreneur Flintheart Glomgold is also a multi-billionaire like McDuck and he spoke to us at length about his Scottish rival. “When it comes to McDuck what you see isn’t necessarily what you get.” He says, with a wave of his wing. “These claims in the press, it’s clear he’s been ‘greasing the wheels’ of government for some time, he’s been a shady businessman ever since I first met him back in the Spring of ’56.” [Editor Note: We have not found any evidence to support this particular claim of Mr. Glomgold at this time]

Glomgold (Left) and Scrooge have been known to disagree publically over each other’s business dealings.

“It wasn’t long after that we both set out to the new world to start our new business campaign. We both applied at the same time for immigrant status but for some reason ol’ Scroogie’s form went through much quicker. Or so it seems. I know I went through all the proper channels and have all the proper papers. I do wonder if he has though. Is Scrooge McDuck living in this great country and growing rich off hard working Americans as an illegal immigrant? That’s the question I put to you, to the government and to him. How DID he somehow skip all the paperwork? If he has it show us it and prove he’s here legitimately.  He should show that birth certificate of his too, I never really bought the name ‘McDuck’. It sounds as fake as his accounts are. I’ll not have a President [of Duckburg’s Billionaires Club] be someone who has no right to even be here!”

It seems McDuck will have many questions to answer in the days ahead. Last Minute Continue will bring you any further developments as soon as we make them up.

DuckTales: Remastered is available now on multiple platforms if you wish to support this alleged industry tyrant.

Kevin Eva

Author: Kevin Eva

Gamer, scholar, gentleman & fountain of useless trivia, LMC's boss-man extraordinaire is also a super-awesome Community Manager who has worked on projects for SEGA, Square Enix, Konami, Capcom and more. Once co-created and hosted an international fan-convention because he can do that sort of thing.

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